Dawn

Until someday you wake up at 4:30 am in someone’s bed wanting to kill yourself for being there but you can’t, you keep dragging yourself into that self destructive hole of 6 seconds of happiness and a life time of regret and nothing has changed since the last time, nothing has changed in the last 3 years except you are older and what it seemed to be a one time thing became an dying hard old habit, “next time it will be different”, you lie to yourself pretending to believe a word of that is true but deep down you know, you know you will be there next week at the same hour going through the same thoughts all over again, you know you are depressive self hating egomaniac bastard, so you indulge yourself one more time, “this is the last one”... you are so full of crap.
You will be there next week, laying next to her naked body, smelling her nasty cigarettes, you are going to be there wanting to die, and also there she will be wanting to die wanting perhaps.

August days

I haven’t really liked a song in a long time, I haven’t enjoyed a movie in quite a while, I haven’t been in love since that last time, I haven’t had any good ideas lately, I haven’t written something good in months. I’m left with the same old thoughts, I can’t even finish a line of thinking, food doesn’t taste the same and life keeps passing by, stretching beyond reach while I fade away before my eyes
I can’t think of something to write about without stumbling upon a bunch of songs I have tangled up in my head, I have been getting the feeling everything I could ever think of to write was already written by adam duritz, john mayer and eddie vedder.
I miss being an alien in my own house and have a reason to disagree, I miss me younger, angrier and loner, I miss me younger, happier, naive, I miss me happy, ignorant, innocent, I miss me an alien, a human being, a nihilist, a christian, a satanist, an atheist, a humanist an agnostic.
I miss writing for the fun of it. I miss fun for the fun of it.